Sometimes, there are words that are best left unspoken, actions that are best left undone and feelings that are best left unexpressed.

This feeling will stay in a place where the most secluded parts of my life stay hidden and hope to never be found. This too shall pass. But the more I think and wait for it to pass, the more it stays and makes me suffer. I feel it so much that I eventually don't wanna feel it anymore.

A brief moment I spent today
To stare at you from a far, nothing to say
I looked and try to see
How things have been without me

A brief moment I smile to know
That everything is a smooth flow
That you seem fine and well
But from that moment I shall not dwell

A brief moment I stayed still
From afar, it's like a slow kill
I slowly drown with the scenes on my mind
From the start until the last spoken word became unkind

A brief moment I remembered how it happened
Then suddenly it was the end
I move around the place I stand
Uneasy and troubled, not knowing where to land

A brief moment I slowly end
From staring, my heart won't mend
I walk away and feel the pain
I whisper "I still love you", that shall keep me sane

I cannot unlove you. You are and will always be my one great love.

There comes a point when two people just stop talking to each other and start growing apart. What hurts is that one of them feels like drowning while the other one stays afloat. </3

I miss the way we talk to each other.
I miss the way you make me laugh.
I miss the way you hold my hand.
I miss the way you dance your crazy dance.
I miss the way you look at me.
I miss the way you surprise me.
I miss the way you hug me tight.
I miss the way you call my name.
I miss the way you act so sweet.
I miss the way you care for me.
I miss the way you pose for a wacky picture.
I miss the way you sing with me.
I miss the way you smile at me from a far.

Missing you doesn't even sum it all. But I guess what we have right now is what it is. Feelings are neither right nor wrong. So then, I can miss you all I want. I can miss you all the more.

How foolish it is to think that we love only with our hearts. The heart is just an organ with a job to do, a quota to fill. When I love, I don't want to love with a blood-pumping machine. I want to love with every inch of my body.

I will love you with my knees and fingertips, with my elbows and my collarbones. With my freckles and knuckles, my wrinkles and my scars.

And I will love you with all the spaces in between.♥

"One of the best feelings in the world is when you hug the one you love.... and they hug you tighter."♥

"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." 

- A Walk to Remember, Nicholas Sparks

The quote from the lovely book of Nicholas Sparks was originally derived from the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13 specifically. I have managed to read this part of the Bible a hundred times already. Still I wonder what love must be really.

Wondering about it countless times gives me a headache at times but I know I was able to figure out something somehow. I will still be fighting for it. 

Love is a very complex word.

Complex that no word can give the exact meaning of it. No one can ever exactly fathom its depth.

“we accept the love we think we deserve.” 
― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Lately, I have been exercising the limbic system of my precious brain. I have learned how to control the emotions I have and somehow figured out how to determine the should-have emotions from the must-suppress emotions. It's a bit tricky and confusing. But I know that it doesn't really matter much whatever you choose to feel. 

Someone I know once told me: "Feelings are neither right nor wrong." And I believe so. You can feel something you aren't supposed to feel and yet it stays there. It stays and you like it. Sometimes, you don't feel what you must really feel. Instead, you feel the complete opposite of the feeling. You see, feelings are confusing.

I cherish every feeling I am able to feel. I mean, not everyone is able to experience diverse emotions. Some are just plain insensitive. I don't blame them. At times I wish I could be.

I figured out a way I could get along with my feelings. I learned that if I gave in to the negative I feel, I can manage to sulk over it for a period of time. I swear it's not something highly recommended. Yet if I ignore what I feel and put it aside, it manages to get back at me in a way or another. Not recommended either.

What helps me now is to pause... close my eyes... breath... and smile.

I know it's kinda crazy but it works on me. 

I know I cannot filter what I feel. Although I wish I can. Who wouldn't want that, right? But reality is, we really can't and we should live with the thought that every now and then, we have this emotional tendencies we are not proud of.

Point is, we feel. It's human nature. But we must know when and how to act upon it. I get hurt, but it does not mean I should get a grip and keep a grudge against the person responsible for the pain.

Sometimes, we just need to live with it. Everyday, a lot of things can make us happy. A lot can make us cry too. It just takes a simple decision of whether you want to stay happy or continue crying. I know I don't want to keep on crying. So today I learned that I can say good things. I can react positively towards a sad revelation or a disappointing news. I just have to inhale the reaction until I completely absorb it. It's not easy. Takes practice.  I still lose myself into my feelings sometimes. 

I know I can always try to be happy. I have a bucket of happy memories in the right side of my brain. I know I have them. But we must also accept that sometimes, memories remain as memories and it's all they can ever be. Maybe for now, maybe it can be relived one day. Just hang on to it and cherish the feeling. It will never fade because you felt it at its best.