I guess life is just like that. We journey in circles. Every single day, we feel like we are spending time on something different but we never really realized that we were on that very same place once. We swore once we would never feel the same way again. We swore to know better. But after some time, here we are again. I don't know the exact probability of the reccurence of things and specific events in ones life. I don't think there's anybody who could measure it. What I know is that things just happen. And whether we realized that it was there before or not, it won't stop things from working the way they are.

Sometimes, we just wish we never experience anything that hurts us or makes us cry more than once. We wish they could just vanish into thin air after causing such pain. But things don't work that way. We just have to live with it. And sometimes, we just need to feel it again. Keeps us human, I guess. It's not as if we could ever be anything aside from being human. Vampire perhaps? Switch off humanity or something like that. Ugh. zZzzz

It's a crazy feeling to be surrounded by people who you couldn't imagine how much fear they can inflict to you even without any effort on their part. It's sad to feel so uneasy within a community you feel so belonged to but in the presence of such people, you instantly feel like your heart is going to jump out of your chest and you feel this crumbling feeling in your stomach like the butterflies are turning wild and all. That feeling when you feel so isolated in one place, scared to move, fearing that turning on one direction may be the worst move. That feeling when you can't seem to find the people that can feel you safe anywhere near. 

I am so tired of feeling this way when you are around. And I know I shouldn't even feel this way. But then again, I am still damn scared. That moment repeating over and over again in my mind is just crazy. I know I'm being paranoid and everything but it's really how I feel. How I feel every single time. How could I even delete that part of my memory? It even keeps me wondering until when will you be able to inflict this fear on me?

That feeling. Scared, uneasy, uncomfortable, anxious. I feel so weak and helpless.

Sorry but I just felt really bad. So help me God.

Tonight, a random message popped into my inbox. And it was kinda funny even imagine how that person could consider asking me such question. Buuut then again a friend recommended me. I also cannot imagine why my friend would even recommend me. I mean, it's just funny. 

Then, I suddenly felt a little sad...

I started ballet when I was young. Quite young.  Lasted for one summer only though.