I wonder what hurts
Because everything seem painful
And I try to ignore
But it's really not that simple

One day at a time
That's what I say
But the days are too long
And the excuses on endless replay

I guess we all reached that point when we hear the least of the things we expected to hear. And I have grown tired of trying to please people and being the person they want me to be than being the person I really am. I am at that point where I am trying to figure out if what I'm doing is still the right thing to do or if I really know what I must do with my life.

We all believe in taking chances. But what if what we took was not really a chance. Or what if the chances we took we not for us to take in the first place? Who can tell you which is which?

People are easily taken for granted as much as they are easily forgotten. None of them hurts less than the other.

This is me. And this is all I could offer. You either like me or you don't. There's really nothing in between.

I think that no matter how hard I try and how many times I attempt, there is just no escape. The more I withdraw, the more I am drawn. And it feels like falling into my own trap. Countless times I tell myself "you've done enough". Yet countless times, I've been reminded that I still have so much more to give. How do you know if it's too much already when you've been giving for so long and yet you know, at the back of your mind and in your heart, that you'd be willing to cut yourself open just to be able to give more.

It is very uncomfortable to try and do the unusual things. Just when you are trying to let things pass and comfortably move around the other end of the room, things just start coming right back at you. Be reminded that things happen because in the first place, you have decided to make things happen. Don't make it seem like there is somebody left to blame because there really is no one left to blame.

Bad things happen. Good things happen. But still, life is good. You have to understand that you are in competition with everybody else. More importantly, you are not in competition with yourself. Things happen. It's either you drown with the bad or learn from it and just hope for the better.

May mga panahon na di gaano natin alam kung ano dapat isipin. Dahil medyo lito tayo, sasabihin natin bigla na "Lord, bigyan mo naman ako ng sign." Pero kung minsan, alam naman talaga natin kung anong gusto natin at madalas, humihingi tayo ng mga dahilan upang mapanindigan kung ano yung gusto natin.

Minsan ba naisip mo na nakakalito yung mga signs na binibigay sa'yo ng Diyos? May mga panahon na tila ba pabago-bago ang sinasabi sa'yo? Nakakalito nga ba or sadyang ikaw lang ang nagpapalito sa sarili mo?

May mga pangyayari sa buhay na di na kailangan pang hingan ng sign galing sa Diyos. Minsan kasi masyado lang tayong bulag o nagbubulag-bulagan sa kung ano talagang nangyayari sa buhay natin. Hindi pa tayo handang tanggapin na ito na talaga. Ito na, teh! Tama na siguro. Haha.

Ok naman sana eh pero parang hindi. Pwede na sana pero hindi parin eh. Eh anong problema? Hindi ko din alam. Kaya tama na.

Laging sinasabing maiksi lang ang buhay at lumilipas ang panahon. Ganoon talaga. Matuto ka. Kung hindi ngayon, hindi bukas, baka next year? Haha. Di nga. Malay mo, di lang talaga meant to be. :)

I wonder if there is ever an easy way of saying goodbye. I wonder if people will ever get better at it either. Does the fewer number of days or memories you spend with a person supposed to make goodbyes easier? Will it be easier to just leave it all behind without a word?

They say maybe things aren't just made to work out the way you wish it would. Then was it made to hurt you instead? No one can ever tell if things will work out in the first place because sometimes, you just have to take the step forward, take the risk and come what may. Is it considered a reckless move? Should you think more the next time? I don't think one could ever know if things will be worth it. And most times, it's a personal decision to make it work anyway.

They say nothing is wrong with you. What went wrong then? Situations in our lives tend to make us think sometimes. There are moments when you feel like you've done something to trigger that one thing that messed up everything. Most times, you feel like it's just meant to go wrong. It's not fair to blame yourself because there's really no one to blame.

They say you've done your part. Have I? Have you? Is that supposed to make us feel any better then? There comes a time when you just stop and then wonder if you could have done something differently. If you did, will it make a difference? You just have to do your part sometimes. Trust me, it will save you from regrets.

They say people come and go. Yeah, I know. But the memories remain even after the people have gone. This just says it all.

Then lastly, they say things will get better. And you should know better because it will always get better. You will feel better when you decide for yourself that you will feel better. No matter what they tell you, no matter how much encouragement they give you, you still get to decide.

Decide to be better and feel better. I'm not saying now, this instant. Slowly, take your time. You owe it to yourself.

1. Others can only give you words and things; only you can give yourself feelings.
2. The only time a friend should make you cry is because you're so overwhelmed with how greatly they appreciated you.
3. Not every friendship with a boy is going to turn out romantic. It's okay to have platonic relationships.
4. You are growing and changing every second. You are not the same person you were five minutes ago. Embrace the growth and change the world.
5. It's okay to eliminate toxic things and toxic people. You are too important to hold onto things that don't help you improve.
6. Never, never leave a friend for a stupid boy who won't remember your name in three months.
7. Just because you hate them, doesn't mean that everyone else will too.
8. Don't get mad at someone for not understanding how you feel, when you don't tell them how you feel.
9. You can't control what people will say to you, but you can control how you react to them.
10. You are not your struggles. You are not your emotional breakdowns. You are not your past.
11. Always keep your head high. No matter how bad your hair looks. No matter if you're wearing dirty sweatpants. Hold your head up as if you are the hottest person in town. Because you are.
12. Don't be realistic. Be passionate. Be unpredictable. Be beautiful. Be courageous. Be excitable. Be yourself. Just please be anything but realistic.
13. Please, please don't put your everything into another human being because it will not be good for either of you.
14. Never be ashamed of past decisions and past relationships and past experiences, because what makes you upset now, once made you happy.
15. You are so much more than just pretty. You were not made to be pretty. You were made to decorate the earth with your soul and scream your name at the top of your lungs until there is no way that they can forget about you. So, don't let anyone simplify you to just pretty.

Minsan akala mo maayos na pero hindi pala.

You are like waves in the ocean
Settles down and hits me back over again
Like the stars that light up the sky
Was there yet sometimes fades away

You are like the my favorite song
So good to listen but lost it's meaning along the way
Like the words of a beautiful poem
Soothing my senses yet seems to be senseless the end of the day

You are like a photograph I keep
Stuck and constant but fading through space and time
Like the trinkets I held on
Visible yet almost forgotten

You are more like everything I can say you are like
Cos you are just more to everything
The more you are, the deeper I let you cut
For you are like a paper I doodle on
Smooth and clear, yet the cut pains as much as the knife does
Small yet deep
Still produces a scar to see and keep

There are things that happened in our life that we just want to ignore, leave behind and start over again. Most times, we decide for ourselves that we just don't want to dwell over things that hurt us and so we decide to move on. Yet sometimes, moving on is pretending to be totally fine when things aren't really that fine.

There will be times when the moments will flash back right in front of you. There will be certain things that will remind you of the pain you've felt. There will be people who will serve as a reminder of what happened, people who can be unintentionally insensitive to what is going on around. But then again, at the end of the day, it's still you who is in charge.

I really thought being okay was easy. I just decided for myself that the people who hurt me are more important than my pain. And it was the reason why I said to myself that I will be okay, that we will be okay. But there are moments when I can feel the pain just crashing right back at me, haunting me. It's no fun at all.

People say time heals. But sometimes time betrays us. We think we always have time in our hands and yet time also made us feel like we're running after it.

I know I've forgiven but I can still feel the pain. Sometimes I think my feelings are exaggerated already. I mean, why can't I just give it up and start over completely. I am starting over but I have this baggage with me which seems to be pulling me back.

We get hurt as much because the people who hurt us are those whom we least expect to hurt us so.

I am getting better. I know I will be okay, we will be okay. But it still just hurts.

"But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." - 1 Corinthians 15:57

Sometimes we notice the minute details we aren't even supposed to notice. These things doesn't even matter that much. But there are times that we have to acknowledge the things there is for us to be able to accept them and move forward. I suppose I have done enough, tried too much and accepted less. It's time.

2014 was a good year and I'm looking forward for a better 2015. As I recall the things that happened in my life in the last 365 days, I keep on telling myself that I must and should learn from everything that happened whether be good or bad.